Sometimes I do question why I continue being kind to people who don’t treat me the same way.
My belief is… I may die young, but I’ll live forever if I can occupy even the tiniest space in the hearts of those I encounter while I’m still around to do so.
What’s the point of this stupid torturous, terribly tumultuous, suffering-filled life thing if you aren’t somehow contributing to its illumination..?
What’s the point of having a soul/personality that’s entirely unique from any other on this planet if you don’t express yourself completely unabashedly while you’re still able to do so?
I had another trip to the ER last night bc my blood pressure was dangerously close to causing a stroke.
In the past 24 hours I’ve been told I’m “dangerously close to having a stroke” by at least eleven different people.
Not the first time this has happened.
Not my first rodeo. Lol.
Been dealing with blood pressure issues since I was 21 years old, pregnant, and diagnosed with preeclampsia.
Y’all know how that story ended.
I’m lucky to even be here.
I’ve faced my own mortality more times than I can count in my short time on this planet, and as I lay here in bed with the worst headache of my life and my chest feeling like someone is standing on it… (I’m medicated, don’t worry.. it’ll fade soon…) I can’t help but to think about what it might be like if I were to check out early.
Have I been the best version of myself that I could be? I hope so.
I’m quite happy with who I am as a person and how I treat others.
I’m happy with how I’ve raised my children and the deep empathy and compassion I’ve hopefully instilled within their little hearts.
I’m proud of myself for my creativity and most of all my willingness to dive into anything I pour my heart into with my full being.
I’ve written and published two books and am working on the third.
I have a successful/popular blog and YouTube channel.
I’ve tasted so many different things in life, whether it be people, places, jobs, schools, hobbies…
My mom used to tell me after like college number three… lol… “you need to just make your mind up,” haha.. but I wouldn’t trade my insatiable thirst for experiencing new things for anything in the world.
I’ve experienced so much.
Met so many amazing individuals.
All of you.
I’ve danced in drum circles.
I’ve crawled in the mud into a Native American sweat lodge where I sat ass-to-elbows with strangers as we sweat, cried, drummed, and prayed to our ancestors.
I’ve investigated more “haunted” houses than I can count.
I’ve been on the radio as a personality.
I’ve met more famous musicians than I can count.
I’ve road-tripped across the country more times than I can count.
I’ve sung in front of strangers.
The list goes on.
I’ve followed my heart more times than I can count and yes, it’s gotten me into a world of trouble multiple times, but how boring would life have been if I had never leapt…?